As part of our November initiative, we invited male guests onto our podcast to speak on topics relevant to them regarding male mental health. Brilliantly thought-provoking and earnest conversations have been had on some large topics, such as the gym and its effects on male body image, and what the toll that societal pressures have on male mental health. All in an effort to raise awareness and provide some voices to peak on the importance of this subject.
In this article, we have Scott who sat down with us to voice his thoughts on the topic more widely and answer some specific questions we had.
Why do you think it's important to open up the discussion on male mental health?
It’s not always spoken about; it’s quite classic that men tend to bottle up their emotions a lot... I guess there’s always that thing that men don’t cry, men don’t open up, you keep things to yourself. So, I think it’s good to raise awareness because, male suicide rates are really high. I think it’s like, between the ages of 25-40, suicide is the leading cause of death! Which is stupidly, stupidly high...
I think there are pressures for everyone, but I think people do forget that there are pressures for males who are maybe trying to start a family, who feel they should be providing. Some people might find that as a big pressure in their life and I think it accounts for everyone, of course, but I do think that it can be forgotten from the male point of view.
2. Do you feel that the push to increase awareness surrounding male mental health has helped you personally?
I think so, definitely with best friends and stuff. I don’t know how that’s been over generations and whether men have been able to be really open with each other – it’s hard to say as I’m quite young. But, I feel like as I’ve gotten older and wiser, I know it's definitely okay to show your emotions. I think I’m definitely more open now with my emotions than when I was younger. I think this is because I’m more accepting that I can be and that’s okay.
I think most people do find it easier to open up to partners, but it’s still important to go through personal issues maybe with male peers because it can help you as it’s more relatable and you just can’t get all that through your partner. It’s good to open up and feel you have your voice heard.
I mean there have definitely been times in my life where I wonder, ‘am I alone here?’ and then having people like best friends say the same thing makes me realise that I’m not alone. But, at the same time, it’d be nicer for it to be more open. Maybe guys try to be jokey and hide these extra sensitive things through being a bit of a joker and putting on a persona. So, I think that puts a lot of pressure on some men to act like they’ve got no weaknesses.
3. What is a personal experience relating to you and your own mental health that you wanted to share with everyone?
A personal experience, or struggle shall I say, that I've previously had with mental health was on the subject of dating. You’re always expected, guys anyway, to do well on the dating scene and see different people and do things by ‘x’ point. I think I was always quite slow with my dating life and that actually did have quite an impact on me… But the more I spoke about it with friends, the more I came to terms with that. I guess the more you bottle it up, the more you can get caught in a whirlwind and get stuck in a bit of a pit and not feel great. That’s always something I struggled with in the past.
Speaking to fellow guys helped me get a bit of perspective and share a similar experience. Dating and stuff obviously isn’t the biggest deal in the world, but it can knock your confidence if you have a bit of a slow start with it and you can get yourself in a bad mental space because it extends to you feeling negative about other parts of yourself if you feel you aren’t the most dateable person. Once I did overcome it, it really did change me a lot for the better. Being able to speak about those times of things just really helped a lot.
I guess a lot of this goes back to guys wanting to save face and put on a bit of an act, being like “I can date whoever I want”. But really, it’s not been going successfully, and you really don’t want to share that with other people. It’s not helpful. Maybe a lot of lads don’t realise that their mates aren’t out there dating loads either, but they think they are. Maybe because, among guy friends, there is a slightly competitive nature which exists that can make you feel worse. It’s trying not to get wrapped up in that, because a lot of guys maybe do want to put up an image like they can get loads of girls.
4. What would you like to see in the male mental health space going forward?
So, I really like body positivity influencers. I know it’s a really human problem, but I think there could be more for men because I know that some guys really aren’t happy with their physique. But it’s difficult to say how this would look. For me, body positivity and how I feel about how I look ebbs and flows and to be honest it’s probably not something I’ve talked to my friends. So, maybe that is something that should be discussed. I think trying to normalise these types of conversations should be promoted. But how? I’m not really sure.
What I think, has spoken to me anyway, are inspiring spokespeople sharing their story. Like, take sportsmen (rugby players) who aren’t the ‘right’ type of frame who go on to achieve their dreams. I know there was a lot about the half-penny for Wales and him not being able to achieve greatness because of his slightly shorter height (5’8). But then you do go on to see those success stories. I guess, applying this to any discipline, especially sports, is quite inspiring and can help. It shows everyone has their own limitations, but if you work on yourself then you can achieve your dreams maybe. I think that’s a good example of how it can motivate people to feel better.
We would like to take a moment to thank Scott for his contribution to our very first blog post and interview. Additionally, we would like to thank each and every one of you for listening to our podcasts, liking our posts and for reading this!
- Katie & Angie x